Fights...

It was me....

Friday night walking home. The something that was upp?

Me

As perr usual I managed to ruin A's and my Friday, it was going so perfectly. And I managed to fuck up; completly, utterly, hopelessly screwed up.

Story of my life.

I made him feel like shit...

How could I do that?

How can I manage to make the one person whom I would do anything for, the one person I would take a bullet for, the one person who I would die for, feel like shit.

I feel horrible.

I don't know what to say to him.

I don't know what to do to make it better.

I really screwed up.

And for something I couldn't even bloomin control. Claustrophobia.

I Panicked! I mean, I couldn't breate... I didn't mean to give him a shity look...

I didn't even realize I had.

But I did.

And now he is looking foward to a week without me.

Whilst I'm dreading it

And to think I thought it was because I had started to get ready to go. I mean, I thought he had gone into his living room. It made sense, he wanted to take me home, why not go and wait downstairs whilst I calmed down.

How terribly wrong I was.

He hadn't even gone downstairs. No idea where he had gone...

M's room?? But then again, I listened by the door. It didn't sound like he was in there, I thought it was M finally getting his turn on the xbox after me and A hogging it.

I can't believe I have made my own boyfriend look forward to a week without me.

A whole week

Whilst I have been walking arround feeling hollow for two days, he has been chatting with V and R and chilling.

God, what a terrible girlfriend I am.

And yet, he doesnt want to break up with me. I admit I thought he was going to... I almost didn't dare to ask him. But I had to know, I needed to hear it, even though I was crying my eyes out whilst I was typing it.

But he said no! He didn't want to!

After all my huge massive fug ups, and my mistakes, and my bad choices, he still wishes to have me as his girlfriend. For that, he is TRULY the wolds best boyfriend ever.

Im banishing myself from all my favourite things.

No more good anything.

Its punishment.

Don't deserve them do I? I might not write on this blog for a while, I think I will stay of the laptop.

It is one of my favourite things after all.

Revision instead.

I'm going to eat only foods I don't like.

No more juice, only water.

Definatly no more puddings, chocolate crisps or sweets.

And I won't enjoy this week or the things we do this week anyway so I can't be happy doing the activities.

A week.

Thats my punishment.

Am I really that bad a person?

Am I really that bad a girfriend?






Obviously




One word...

Yes