Well you all know about my nan's fall, how she was in hostpital and stuff. Well she's been getting these halucinations and then she hasn't been eating properly because she finds it hard to swallow. Then there's the falling for no apparent reason.
Well she has been diagnosed.
A degenerative brain dissorder, Dementia really. A type of dementai anyway; Lewey Bodies to be exact. So basically she is just going to deteriate from here on. She might lose her memories, get hallucinations, fall over a hell of a lot more. She may even get to a stage when she doesn't know who I am, let alone who she is.
Dad told me that this might be her last summer...
And they expect me to revise when I know that my nan is deteriating? Dying?
When all I can think is why her?
Why Her?!?!?
Why Her?!?!
Why Her?!?!
Why Her?!?!
Why Her?!?!
I Love You Nana xxxx
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Phone troubles
Well, my daddy just rung Orange to ask about my poorly phone.
Theyre sending me a new sim card in the post.
Good news I guess.
Except the fact that I won't have a working phone untill Saturday evening minimum... But at least they can transfer my old number to the new sim and all my credit. Though what about my humongous phone book I have collected?? I do hope I can get that transefered aswell.
It will be a great loss to me if I can't....
Lololololololol, cheesey me or what ;-)
Anyway, I thought I would update you about that.
With Love :-P
xx
Theyre sending me a new sim card in the post.
Good news I guess.
Except the fact that I won't have a working phone untill Saturday evening minimum... But at least they can transfer my old number to the new sim and all my credit. Though what about my humongous phone book I have collected?? I do hope I can get that transefered aswell.
It will be a great loss to me if I can't....
Lololololololol, cheesey me or what ;-)
Anyway, I thought I would update you about that.
With Love :-P
xx
Making it up
My phones broken.
Well to be precise it isn't my phone, its my sim card.
Don't really know what is wrong with it, but it's broken.
(N)
I rang A to tell him, in case he felt complied to text me or something.
Not that I expected him to want to, though I thought it would be better to tell him. But when I did he appoligised to me. Said he was sorry and he hadn't meant to snap. So now, everything is better.
I still feel bad though.
He keeps rining me now, updating like. Or we text each other. Rang me three times yesterday he did, and we texted each other way into the night. So we're alright. For that I'm glad.
But forgiveness doesn't erase the past
Well to be precise it isn't my phone, its my sim card.
Don't really know what is wrong with it, but it's broken.
(N)
I rang A to tell him, in case he felt complied to text me or something.
Not that I expected him to want to, though I thought it would be better to tell him. But when I did he appoligised to me. Said he was sorry and he hadn't meant to snap. So now, everything is better.
I still feel bad though.
He keeps rining me now, updating like. Or we text each other. Rang me three times yesterday he did, and we texted each other way into the night. So we're alright. For that I'm glad.
But forgiveness doesn't erase the past
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Fights...
It was me....
Friday night walking home. The something that was upp?
Me
As perr usual I managed to ruin A's and my Friday, it was going so perfectly. And I managed to fuck up; completly, utterly, hopelessly screwed up.
Story of my life.
I made him feel like shit...
How could I do that?
How can I manage to make the one person whom I would do anything for, the one person I would take a bullet for, the one person who I would die for, feel like shit.
I feel horrible.
I don't know what to say to him.
I don't know what to do to make it better.
I really screwed up.
And for something I couldn't even bloomin control. Claustrophobia.
I Panicked! I mean, I couldn't breate... I didn't mean to give him a shity look...
I didn't even realize I had.
But I did.
And now he is looking foward to a week without me.
Whilst I'm dreading it
And to think I thought it was because I had started to get ready to go. I mean, I thought he had gone into his living room. It made sense, he wanted to take me home, why not go and wait downstairs whilst I calmed down.
How terribly wrong I was.
He hadn't even gone downstairs. No idea where he had gone...
M's room?? But then again, I listened by the door. It didn't sound like he was in there, I thought it was M finally getting his turn on the xbox after me and A hogging it.
I can't believe I have made my own boyfriend look forward to a week without me.
A whole week
Whilst I have been walking arround feeling hollow for two days, he has been chatting with V and R and chilling.
God, what a terrible girlfriend I am.
And yet, he doesnt want to break up with me. I admit I thought he was going to... I almost didn't dare to ask him. But I had to know, I needed to hear it, even though I was crying my eyes out whilst I was typing it.
But he said no! He didn't want to!
After all my huge massive fug ups, and my mistakes, and my bad choices, he still wishes to have me as his girlfriend. For that, he is TRULY the wolds best boyfriend ever.
Im banishing myself from all my favourite things.
No more good anything.
Its punishment.
Don't deserve them do I? I might not write on this blog for a while, I think I will stay of the laptop.
It is one of my favourite things after all.
Revision instead.
I'm going to eat only foods I don't like.
No more juice, only water.
Definatly no more puddings, chocolate crisps or sweets.
And I won't enjoy this week or the things we do this week anyway so I can't be happy doing the activities.
A week.
Thats my punishment.
Am I really that bad a person?
Am I really that bad a girfriend?
Obviously
One word...
Yes
Friday night walking home. The something that was upp?
Me
As perr usual I managed to ruin A's and my Friday, it was going so perfectly. And I managed to fuck up; completly, utterly, hopelessly screwed up.
Story of my life.
I made him feel like shit...
How could I do that?
How can I manage to make the one person whom I would do anything for, the one person I would take a bullet for, the one person who I would die for, feel like shit.
I feel horrible.
I don't know what to say to him.
I don't know what to do to make it better.
I really screwed up.
And for something I couldn't even bloomin control. Claustrophobia.
I Panicked! I mean, I couldn't breate... I didn't mean to give him a shity look...
I didn't even realize I had.
But I did.
And now he is looking foward to a week without me.
Whilst I'm dreading it
And to think I thought it was because I had started to get ready to go. I mean, I thought he had gone into his living room. It made sense, he wanted to take me home, why not go and wait downstairs whilst I calmed down.
How terribly wrong I was.
He hadn't even gone downstairs. No idea where he had gone...
M's room?? But then again, I listened by the door. It didn't sound like he was in there, I thought it was M finally getting his turn on the xbox after me and A hogging it.
I can't believe I have made my own boyfriend look forward to a week without me.
A whole week
Whilst I have been walking arround feeling hollow for two days, he has been chatting with V and R and chilling.
God, what a terrible girlfriend I am.
And yet, he doesnt want to break up with me. I admit I thought he was going to... I almost didn't dare to ask him. But I had to know, I needed to hear it, even though I was crying my eyes out whilst I was typing it.
But he said no! He didn't want to!
After all my huge massive fug ups, and my mistakes, and my bad choices, he still wishes to have me as his girlfriend. For that, he is TRULY the wolds best boyfriend ever.
Im banishing myself from all my favourite things.
No more good anything.
Its punishment.
Don't deserve them do I? I might not write on this blog for a while, I think I will stay of the laptop.
It is one of my favourite things after all.
Revision instead.
I'm going to eat only foods I don't like.
No more juice, only water.
Definatly no more puddings, chocolate crisps or sweets.
And I won't enjoy this week or the things we do this week anyway so I can't be happy doing the activities.
A week.
Thats my punishment.
Am I really that bad a person?
Am I really that bad a girfriend?
Obviously
One word...
Yes
Friday, 2 April 2010
Holidays
Well, Im off on holliday tomorrow.
For a week.
I won't get to see A!!!
Cry!
He was upset, or distracted walking home. Kept saying everything was OK.
When it obviously wasn't, I really want to know what was up...
I hope it wasn't me :/
Im in a poetry mood...
Heres one I wrote, well, just :P
The greatest gift
I sit here and realize how strong I've become,
With such confidence I feel that I finally found my May plum,
This feeling is so strong I'm powerful it's meant
To feel like Christmas opening my first present,
The joy that he brings is the most wonderful thing,
It's like a good Summer or the births of the Spring,
I love my beaul King, my thoughts he can lift,
And he LOVES me back, for that's the greatest gift.
To A xxx
Haha, poems (Y)
For a week.
I won't get to see A!!!
Cry!
He was upset, or distracted walking home. Kept saying everything was OK.
When it obviously wasn't, I really want to know what was up...
I hope it wasn't me :/
Im in a poetry mood...
Heres one I wrote, well, just :P
The greatest gift
I sit here and realize how strong I've become,
With such confidence I feel that I finally found my May plum,
This feeling is so strong I'm powerful it's meant
To feel like Christmas opening my first present,
The joy that he brings is the most wonderful thing,
It's like a good Summer or the births of the Spring,
I love my beaul King, my thoughts he can lift,
And he LOVES me back, for that's the greatest gift.
To A xxx
Haha, poems (Y)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)